“Ma`na Salati” (The Meaning of my Prayer) appeared in Sargon Boulus’ posthumous collection `Azma Ukhra li-Kalb al-Qabila (Baghdad and Beirut: Dar al-Jamal, 2008).
The Meaning of My Prayer
Perhaps this
is what I prayed for
at times
This is what I saw
in moments of despair
my eyes half shut
sleepless until dawn
That garden
(Its leaves, from childhood,
still glisten at noon
washed by a sun
no longer visible)
A handful of trees
A time not stained
by the hand of days
Summer, swarming with bees
Not a sound about this cold country
Not a word about the north,
which will cover things,
with its cold shadow
Even though I have a fire,
and my lamp overlooks a white page,
waiting for my few verses.
(They will not come
unless this night ends)
My notebook, open before my eyes,
is a trap for the souls of my dead
They pass on its pages
In a flutter I hear
like my first language
Deep there in a past
that will never let the protagonist
fall sleep?
He who will fail everyday
He who will regret
the string of troubles
and who knows
that he will not be Gelgamesh
He refuses the task.
This nocturnal page is enough
for him to walk to the end of the dream
He who will emerge,
with a million refugees,
clinging to his footsteps
We lift him when he falls
We guide him
to the garden’s shadow
All that we dream of
is for these whirlwinds not to storm us
A corner where we could sleep
A white page
where words don’t lie
This is what I prayed for
and did not know, at first,
the meaning of my prayer
Translated by Sinan Antoon