Two Mundasseen Bidoun Banadoura

Two Mundasseen Bidoun Banadoura

Two Mundasseen Bidoun Banadoura

By : Bassam Haddad

After several botched attempts at jumpstarting a revolt against their respective regimes, would-be protesters in Morocco, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, and Oman put out a call to hire mundasseen (مندسّين infiltrators) to help saw strife and ignite protests. Currently, there are 173 such calls/ads roaming the web and social media. After witnessing the success of the mundasseen in wreaking havoc in Libya and Syria, protesters started forming a special task force in their respective country to import, enlist, and hire hoards of mundaseen

According to Hatem who wishes that his identity and location remain anonymous, “it has been difficult to mobilize people against the regime without the mundasseen.” After being pressed, he admitted that their protester counterparts in Libya, Yemen, Bahrain, and Syria were begging people to protest to no avail during the first weeks of the so-called protests. He relayed that most people would tell the measly number of protesters “give me one reason to protest against our leaders! Can you give me one? Can you? Eh khalas.” Only after the mundasseen were introduced to the struggle did the protests take off. Asked about the mundasseen’s work schedule, Hatem and his counterpart from a different country, `Assaf, responded by saying they work nearly 6 days a week, but they do overtime on Fridays. The only two times they took time off in both Libya and Syria was when pro-regime demonstrations were held. One mundass noted that “it really pissed me off to be a madsous for nothing on those days. I really wanted to indass, but my contract prevented me from doing so.” Another madsous responded by saying “kill ma y-dissouni I get caught but then the authorities would let me go. I never got that.” It was clear that there was a lot of confusion about the role of mundaseen. One mundass was pretty miffed about unmet expectations: “no one dasdassni.”

The mundasseen phenomenon started to worry all Arab regimes and their permanent leaders or their sons. In an undisclosed location last Friday, Arab leaders got together and chanted for minutes:

“الدكتاتوريون يريدون اسقاط المندسّين”

This move, repeated for three consecutive weeks now, irked the protesters in various Arab countries. Such marches by Arab dictators were viewed as disruptive, considering each dictator came to the dictators’ demonstration with 2 or 3 hundred cars full of bodyguards and cold water bottles. Protesters doubted that these were indeed the authentic leaders and pointed to the possibility of upscale mundasseen staging these marches. Two dictators educated in the west (which made them modern and open-minded) denied such claims and asserted that only dictators participated, and that it is utter dishonesty to say otherwise. One of them asserted that “[T]his is a dirty attempt to delegitimize our needs and make it look like there’s no reason for us to speak out in defiance of the mahzala taking place in the Arab street with the support of the low-life mundasseen.”

The conflict, charges, and counter-charges continue to this day. All the while more than 7 new Schools for training and graduating mundaseen were erected in various parts of the Arab world. Each mundass gets trained in local settings where they undergo rigorous procedures that equip them to do their job. Clearly, the price of one mundass, even if they do not perfect the host country’s dialect, let alone skin color(s) and religious affiliation, has reached $1200 per week (اللغلوغ الواحد باربعطعشر جينيه). At least one third of the mundasseen graduates complained about late payment, non-payment, and even abuse by protesters. Given that Arab regimes consider most of the protesters mundasseen, and considering that protesters across the Arab world reached several million (after Egypt), it is estimated that the natural rights of at least 3.7 million of the mundasseen were compromised or outright violated. In response, Human Rice Watch launched a campaign to defend and restore their rights.

Boutros Harb For President

In my capacity as a founding editor of Jadaliyya, I hereby endorse Boutros Harb, current Lebanese Minister of Labor, for the office of President of the republic. If Lebanon were a country where presidential candidates actually stood for elections and citizens actually voted to choose who would occupy the office of the President[1], I would certainly vote for him. I would even campaign for him.

Throughout a long career of public service to his country, Mr. Harb has demonstrated an uncanny understanding of and dedication to the whole of Lebanon, and not only to the community that his detractors say his only concern is; the Christians of Lebanon. While his detractors see a man whose political positions bend with the changing political winds, I see a man who has perfected the art of Lebanese politics and taken it, along with his once March 14 ally Walid Jumblatt, to a whole new level. Moreover, Harb has been in politics for a long, long time. He first became member of the Lebanese Parliament in 1972 and has been in one way or the other implicated in the numerous achievements of the Lebanese government since then. As Lebanese citizens, we know that our best hopes for reform, security, and prosperity rest with career politicians such as Bourtos Harb.

Most recently, Harb has once again demonstrated the reasons why he is the ideal (Maronite) man to lead Lebanon and to share power with the other two principled, incorruptible, and leading political minds of that country; Saad Harirri and Nabih Berri. A true visionary, Harb has proposed a draft law that would criminalize the sale of real estate between Christians and Muslims in Lebanon. With this law, he has demonstrated his uncanny understanding and dedication to what makes Lebanese so damn special. He alone has had the courage to state that it is not enough that Muslims and Christians cannot marry each other on Lebanese lands, that the political system is divided between the Shiite, Maronite, and Sunnite sects, and that Christians, Muslims, Jews and all the sects within these categories marry, divorce, inherit, adopt, commit adultery, and are buried when they die according to different laws and regulations. No, it is not enough. For Lebanon to truly live up to its promise as the only liberal diverse democracy in the Arab world, Muslims and Christians should not be able to sell land, apartments or houses to each other. For Lebanon to reach the heights envisioned by French imperialists and their local allies, real estate must also be segregated in order to protect the special character of that country. After all, if we are not careful, we are likely to end up like Saudi Arabia, Iran or Syria. As a Lebanese woman who enjoys living in a country that protects my rights and within which I am an equal to my male counterparts, I shudder at the thought.

With Lebanon plagued by political instability, rising unemployment and underemployment, and with the very real threat of another Lebanon-Israel war at hand, it takes great courage to concentrate on the issues that matter. With his draft law that criminalizes the sale of real estate across religious communities, Harb has demonstrated such courage. Instead of needlessly trying to change a practice whereby citizens try to keep “their” areas religiously homogenous, Harb has seen the logic in legislating this practice. With Lebanese citizens worried that they cannot pay their bills, that a new civil war may erupt, or that they and/or their children will be forced to emigrate, we can rest easy knowing that politicians like Boutros Harb know what we should be worried about and are willing to act based on their superior knowledge. I hereby endorse Boutros Harb for President for all of these reasons, and because he, and his policies, truly embody all that is right about Lebanon.

 


[1] In the Lebanese political system, the President is elected by the Lebanese Parliament, members of which must stand for general elections.